Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Parable of the Refrigerator

A parable:

Once a man felt the cravings for some sustenance.  He went into the kitchen and approached the refrigerator (it looked something like this picture), knowing that it was a receptacle of a variety of food and drink. He was unsure of what he wanted to feast (or at least snack) upon, but he was full of confidence that within those doors he would find what he wanted.

He opened the door, and stood there for a moment as his eyes moved side to side, then up and down, seeing what was available for him to take. As he mentally made a list of what was in there, he rejected one option after another as nothing seemed to him to fulfill his craving. Finally he closed the door in despair, having been unsuccessful in his search yet still craving sustenance.

After what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only a few minutes, he returned to the fridge and again opened the door, thinking perhaps he had been somewhat hasty in deciding that there was nothing to satisfy him, and repeated the process of perusing the contents. Still he was unable to find something that sounded good to him, so he closed the door once more, again frustrated and hungry.

He repeated this process again and again, as his desire for sustenance became stronger. He thought to himself, and occasionally responded to the inquiries from his wife with "I want something to eat; I just don't know what."

Finally he returned once again to the fridge and opened the door, knowing that there just had to be something in there that would hit the spot. This time he made a decision, reluctantly grabbed a storage container that held some left overs from a previous meal and ate.

The End

So what's the message in this parable? A few things to keep in mind before I give my interpretation:

1) The man in the parable started out with a standard of what was acceptable to him.
2) The contents of the fridge did not change.
3) After repeated attempts to find something that met his original standard, he finally settled on something that was available.

In this life, there are many things about which we have very high standards and/or expectations. We have things we want to do, behaviors we expect from ourselves and others, and an idea of what we want to become. The question is, how often do we just settle for something because we get impatient and can't find what we originally wanted? Just something we all may want to consider...

And a final message for the married guys out there. Don't kid yourselves-the odds are that our wives represented the man in the parable, with high standards and expectations of what she wanted in an eternal companion. And for whatever reason, she eventually settled for us after repeated trips to the fridge. The good news is that we have the opportunity, responsibility, and privilege of becoming and even exceeding her original expectations. Yes, it may will take a lot of work, patience, trial & error, forgiveness, forgiving, repentance, prayers, tears, laughter, flowers, chocolate, laundry, chores, humility, leadership, trust, and/or love, but it is possible. And worth it.

Just something to think about the next time you're standing in front of the fridge looking for something to eat.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Random Thoughts 2.0

It's been awhile since my first "Random Thoughts" post, so I figured it's about time for another installment.

So, here we go:

  • I just found out this week that we're having another girl. This will make three in a row and I'm not sure how I'll handle it when they're all teens at once. I'll probably just turn down the hearing aid and hope for some blissful ignorance.
  • I still think boys are easier to raise than girls. At least so far. I'll get back to you in about 20 years when I'm done with that stage of my life and let you know if I still think that.
  • I don't remember my father getting grey hair until my sister became a teenager. I don't remember me having any grey hair until my daughter became a teenager. Could just be coincidental.
  • We just started watching the revamped Doctor Who (2005-present) on Netflix. I remember watching the original series when I was about 8 years old or so (Tom Baker was the Doctor then). Verdict? It's a great way to learn British English. (plus it's a great show)
  • The Kansas City Royals are technically still in the hunt for a wildcard playoff spot. And it's the middle of September. The Chiefs started 2-0 after going 2-14 last year. This may very well be the last of the last days. 
  • Being able to attend church in a building right next to a temple is awesome. Being able to see my older children and the other youth attend the temple monthly is even awesomer (is that a word? It is now). 
  • After being a counselor in our ward's young men presidency for the last three years or so, I was recently called to be the YM president. What a humbling yet awesome calling. I really love working with these great young men (plus I'm still involved with Cub Scouts, so I get to work with some really great young young men as well.) Doesn't get much better than that.
  • When Tabitha and I first got married, we decided that we would take as many children as the Lord decided to send us. My personal deal with God was that I would take as many children as He would send us, as long as we could take care of them. In retrospect I should have defined what I meant by "take care of them" (I meant "take care" as in "vacations in Hawaii every year"). However the Lord in His infinite wisdom, combined with a divine sense of humor, decided it would be better to keep us in a little more humble circumstances. But looking back we've been very blessed-I've always had a job, a home, food, clothing, insurance, and a car. Guess I can't complain too much huh?
  • I went skiing once my freshman year at BYU. Word of advice, when you grow up in a state where the highest point is called "Charles Mound", going skiing for the first time with roommates who are Utah natives and had been skiing since they were babies is not a good idea.
  • Second word of advice-if you've never been skiing before, don't make them stop the chair lift for you. The little 5 year old sitting next to me glared at me like I had just killed his puppy on Christmas morning or something.
  • Business owners (especially car dealerships and furniture stores) should never, ever, ever, use family members in commercials. Pony up some cash and hire a professional actor/actress. Please.
  • We were reading Mosiah 2 this evening for family scripture study. Note to self, future blog topic from verse 9-what does it mean to trifle with the words of prophets and other church leaders?
  • The Appalachians in the fall...gorgeous.
  • BYU vs Utah Saturday 9/21. Liberty MO Stake conference Saturday 9/21. Was worried about a potential conflict between the game and stake conference. Game then announced at an 8:15pm CDT kickoff. Conflict resolved. I'm happy :)
  • Three words: Breakfast for dinner
  • We're considering the name "Jael" for a middle name for the baby girl on the way. (see Judges chapter 4 in the Old Testament.) Thoughts anyone?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

A letter to my children

There has been a lot of discussions in the media and on various blogs lately regarding modesty, dress/grooming standards, what is appropriate/inappropriate to post on social networks, etc. As a father of nine (soon to be ten) children, with three of them being teenagers right now, I wanted to let them know where I stand. This is based on my opinions and expectations as a father, and also on my understanding of gospel principles and guidance given to us by modern prophets and apostles. 
So, if I were to write an open letter to my children, it would go something like this:
My sons and daughters-

I want each of you to know that you are a precious son or daughter of both a Heavenly and an earthly father. We both love you and want what is best for you. We both want you to learn and grow and develop and progress as you go through this life here on earth so that you are eligible for exaltation and all the blessings that God has in store for you. In order to be able to do that, our Heavenly Father has given us commandments and expectations and rules and covenants, and He has entrusted me, as your earthly father, to help teach you these things so that you can be obedient and obtain all these blessings. As a parent and a teacher, I try to follow this example:
John Taylor, 3rd President of the Church, 1880–1887 
Some years ago, in Nauvoo, a gentleman in my hearing, a member of the Legislature, asked Joseph Smith how it was that he was enabled to govern so many people, and to preserve such perfect order; remarking at the same time that it was impossible for them to do it anywhere else. Mr. Smith remarked that it was very easy to do that. "How?" responded the gentleman; "to us it is very difficult." Mr. Smith replied, "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves."
"The Organization of the Church," Millennial Star, Nov. 15, 1851, 339.
So in the spirit of attempting to teach correct principles and allowing you to govern yourselves, here's something that I've learned and want to pass along to you.

One of the many challenges you may face has to do with standards of dress, grooming, and modesty. The world teaches that we are all individuals, and that we should be able to do what ever we want (as long as we're not hurting anyone else). So that what we wear, how we style our hair, and what we do to our bodies (i.e. tattoos, piercings, etc.) is our choice and no one should be able to tell what we can or can't do since it's not hurting anyone else. We are bombarded with messages that tell us to express ourselves, to take pride in our uniqueness and to fight against conformity. There will even be arguments based on scriptural references (i.e. "But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7). You may face conflicting messages from friends, their parents, your teachers, church leaders, and others about what modesty is and why we have the standards that we do. In attempt to clarify my understanding (and realize I'm not speaking for the church, but I believe my opinions are in line with what has been taught), I'm breaking this into three main parts. 1) General principles that apply to both my sons and daughters 2) Counsel specific to my sons 3) Counsel specific to my daughters.

General principles:
In the True to the Faith book published by the church, it gives this counsel and direction regarding modesty:

Modesty is an attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If you are modest, you do not draw undue attention to yourself. Instead, you seek to “glorify God in your body, and in your spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:20; see also verse 19).
If you are unsure about whether your dress or grooming is modest, ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?” You might ask yourself a similar question about your language and behavior: “Would I say these words or participate in these activities if the Lord were present?” Your honest answers to these questions may lead you to make important changes in your life. The following information will help you in your efforts to be modest.
Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that the human body is God’s sacred creation. Respect your body as a gift from God. Through your dress and appearance, you can show the Lord that you know how precious your body is.
Your clothing expresses who you are. It sends messages about you, and it influences the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around you.
Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord’s law of chastity.
In addition to avoiding clothing that is revealing, you should avoid extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. In dress, grooming, and manners, always be neat and clean, never sloppy or inappropriately casual. Do not disfigure yourself with tattoos or body piercings. If you are a woman and you desire to have your ears pierced, wear only one pair of modest earrings.
Maintain high standards of modesty for all occasions. Do not lower your standards to draw attention to your body or to seek approval from others. True disciples of Jesus Christ maintain the Lord’s standard regardless of current fashions or pressure from others.

Let me emphasize a couple points:
  • Your body is not merely a physical object. It is literally a temple-a gift from God that houses an eternal spirit and that will eventually become a perfect, immortal body when you are resurrected.
  • Modesty is a spiritual principle as well as a temporal one. It is not primarily about what you are wearing but more about why-modesty reflects our attitudes and understanding about eternal gospel principles. 
  • What we wear and how we act influence both our actions and the actions of others. 
  • What we wear and how we act indicate the level of respect and understanding we have for different circumstances, places, and activities.  
  • What we wear and how we act indicate the level of respect and understanding we have for our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ and their divine plan for us.
  • Being modest at all times and in all places is part of what makes us worthy for the blessings of the temple.
  • Modesty is also a principle of obedience. It doesn't matter whether or not we agree or disagree with the standards and counsel we have been given by the Lord through the leaders of His church. We will always be blessed by being obedient, even if it's obedience only by faith. When we criticize, find fault, openly disagree with, and/or willfully disobey the commandments of God and the counsel of His leaders, we lose the companionship of the spirit and are heading towards apostasy and the loss of eternal blessings.
For my sons:

You have or will be given the priesthood when the time comes and if you are worthy. Part of being worthy of this responsibility is to both maintain standards of modesty and grooming for yourselves and also to encourage those around you to be modest as well. This has to be done by setting the proper examples of dress, grooming, and behavior. Choose your friends wisely and be cautious when it comes to social media, books, movies, music, video games, etc.
There will be times when you will be exposed to immodesty, vulgarity, bad behavior etc. Always remember that it is your choice how you will react. You have been given agency and you are expected to choose what is right. It is possible to be in the world but not of it. The ultimate  responsibility for your choices and actions rests with you. Always treat women with the respect they deserve as divine daughters of our Heavenly Father. And yes, this includes your sisters. Never be rude, demeaning, mean, abusive, and/or mocking. Be an example of a righteous priesthood holder. Be worthy of the blessings of the temple. The message that most of the world today would give is that women are objects and that their value is based only on their physical appeal and appearance. Do not ever fall for this lie. Do not ever give the women that you associate with the impression that all you care about is how they look. Always remember that they are daughters of God and that you will be held accountable for they way you treat them.

And finally, read and ponder this talk by Elder Ballard:

Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship

For my daughters:

The topic of modesty is a sensitive one in this day and age. The culture of today bombards you with messages that are in direct contradiction to the principles of the gospel. It would have you believe that the only power a woman has is in her ability to be seductive to men. Please don't ever fall for this lie. Remember your divine worth and don't ever lower your standards for the sake of gaining the acceptance of the world. Like I said to your brothers, it is possible to be in the world but not of it. Dress modestly and appropriately at all times. Be aware of the influence you can have on the men with whom you associate with. Never dress in ways or act in ways or speak in ways that would encourage them to view you as anything but a daughter of God. Help them in their desires to maintain the high standards set by the Lord. You have also been given the gift of agency and are expected to choose what is right. Take pride in your appearance without becoming obsessed. And always remember that the adversary wishes nothing more than for you to be miserable for eternity and will use every weapon at his disposal to accomplish this goal which includes enticing you to lower your standards and do what is accepted by the world today. Be strong and faithful and obedient. Be worthy of the blessings of the temple.

And finally, read and ponder this talk by Elder Ballard:

Mothers and Daughters



Friday, September 13, 2013

It's all about service, right?

For anyone that has grown up as a member of the LDS church, one of the most popular stories in the Book of Mormon is that of Ammon serving as a missionary to the Lamanites. And for those who aren't familiar with it, here's part of the account found in Alma 17

19 And Ammon went to the land of Ishmael, the land being called after the sons of Ishmael, who also became Lamanites.
 20 And as Ammon entered the land of Ishmael, the Lamanites took him and bound him, as was their custom to bind all the Nephites who fell into their hands, and carry them before the king; and thus it was left to the pleasure of the king to slay them, or to retain them in captivity, or to cast them into prison, or to cast them out of his land, according to his will and pleasure.
 21 And thus Ammon was carried before the king who was over the land of Ishmael; and his name was Lamoni; and he was a descendant of Ishmael.
 22 And the king inquired of Ammon if it were his desire to dwell in the land among the Lamanites, or among his people.
 23 And Ammon said unto him: Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die.
 24 And it came to pass that king Lamoni was much pleased with Ammon, and caused that his bands should be loosed; and he would that Ammon should take one of his daughters to wife.
 25 But Ammon said unto him: Nay, but I will be thy servant. Therefore Ammon became a servant to king Lamoni. And it came to pass that he was set among other servants to watch the flocks of Lamoni, according to the custom of the Lamanites.

One of the key parts of this story that is taught in almost every missionary prep/primary/sunday school/seminary/Relief Society/Priesthood class in the church is that even though Ammon had gone to the land of the Lamanites in order to teach them the gospel (as a missionary) his first response was to offer himself up as a servant before he started teaching them. And as the story goes on, Ammon is able to earn the trust of the Lamanites (and King Lamoni in particular) and has great success in converting them to the gospel. It's a great story, and is a great example of how effective service can be.

Unfortunately, I think too often we only pick up on this one lesson-that service is the way to earn trust and open doors to being able to teach the gospel. While service can be a very effective tool, we learn something else as we continue reading in Alma. Ammon eventually meets up with his brothers that were serving in another part of the land of the Lamanites. They were in prison at the time, and Ammon is able to get them out through the influence of King Lamoni.

It's not specifically mentioned in the scriptures, but I can imagine that the brothers started swapping stories at this point. I picture a conversation going something like this:

Aaron: So Ammon, how did the work go for you? It was rough for us. We tried to teach some of the people but they rejected us and beat us and threw us in prison. I don't know if this really was such a great idea. We haven't had a single convert yet and I don't know if we ever will here. These people are crazy.
Ammon: Really? I've had a great mission so far. I got right in to see the King, and even though he offered to let me marry one of his daughters, I said "Hey, I just want to be your servant." I started watching some of his flocks, had this one fight with some bad guys were I cut off a bunch of their arms (that'll teach them to mess with a missionary!), and when the king heard about that he started asking me some questions about God and I was able to teach him, his family, and a lot of his people. It was awesome-I'm so glad we decided to come serve here.
 Aaron: Oh, that's the secret. We just need to offer to be servants and we'll have the same success you did. Cool!

And in Chapter 22 we read how Aaron and his brother follow up with what they learned from Ammon (check out the first part of verse 3 in particular):

 Now, as Ammon was thus teaching the people of Lamoni continually, we will return to the account of Aaron and his brethren; for after he departed from the land of Middoni he was led by the Spirit to the land of Nephi, even to the house of the king which was over all the land save it were the land of Ishmael; and he was the father of Lamoni.
 And it came to pass that he went in unto him into the king’s palace, with his brethren, and bowed himself before the king, and said unto him: Behold, O king, we are the brethren of Ammon, whom thou hast delivered out of prison.
 And now, O king, if thou wilt spare our lives, we will be thy servants. And the king said unto them: Arise, for I will grant unto you your lives, and I will not suffer that ye shall be my servants; but I will insist that ye shall administer unto me; for I have been somewhat troubled in mind because of the generosity and the greatness of the words of thy brother Ammon; and I desire to know the cause why he has not come up out of Middoni with thee.

Only one problem with this strategy-it's not what the king needed. He didn't need someone to serve him first-he was ready to be taught. And when Aaron realized that he had a great missionary experience and was able to convert the King and all his family

So, what's the point? For missionaries and the rest of us, we need to be careful not to get trapped into thinking that there is a one-size-fits-all approach to teaching. We need to be open to the influence of the spirit so that we can be inspired to know exactly what a particular person needs at the moment. This applies to missionary work, but also to anyone else we may interact with. It's especially important in whatever area of stewardship we have. Husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, stake presidents and bishops, priesthood and auxiliary leaders, sunday school and primary teachers, young men and young women advisers, etc. can all receive revelation and inspiration regarding those in their care and how best to teach and guide them. I think that's one of the things I love most about serving with the young men in our ward and using the new "Come, Follow Me" youth curriculum. It allows mandates that we consider each member of the class individually when preparing lessons so that we can teach them in the way that they need. Just something to ponder...

You can read the entire account of Ammon and his brethren in Alma 17: 17-27 (start HERE)